Posted by: addictmystory | May 8, 2012

5-7-12 = The Fu*#ing DT’s!!!!

Let’s see today I woke up at 4:45 AM – who can sleep when every bone in your body aches. Your brain says, “you will feel better”. “Take some extra Methadone – please make me stop hurting”.  “finish off those pain meds”.  – “Call a dealer – whatever it takes (just stop this pain)”.

I just get up – crack every fucking bone in my body – I think at least 30 times before 6:00 AM.

6:30 AM – I walk the dog – 2miles…..Take vitamins before I go. On the walk I recite a mantra – think of great quotes. Remind myself of every reason why I can never get high again – why I stopped – what my triggers are – fuck there are a million of them. BUT a shorter list of reasons to stop (but a much more important list). Anyway, my bones crack all the time – they ache all the time and I am always in some sort of pain again…..due to lowering my dose of methadone.

Oh well, made it through the day – basically….no worse than any other day……no booze, no hard drugs (no illegal drugs), survived the drop in my methadone, but I did have 2 pain pills. I had been either taking one or spliting one…..

Instead of focusing on the negative – I will focus on all I did accomplish. Plus all I have accomplished thus far in this long road out of hell.

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