Posted by: addictmystory | May 18, 2012

Questions To Ponder While Detoxing and When Feeling Blah…

Does anyone else ever just pop their joints like a million times? I swear I keep popping my neck, my back, my knees, and my fingers…it is driving me nuts and I am sure I look like a freak doing it considering I am doing it at least 40 times an hour. What is still even more weird is the only thing I can still link it to is the growing distaste in my job (besides the obvious – methadone). But the methadone has been there for years and I have been decreasing for years and I have been at or near this same level for years so it has to be the job right????

I am very excited about Mondays interview. It is with a much larger company – actually the largest for my industry and it would be very fast paced. I think one thing that is really bothering me is that my current company does not pay everyone what they are worth….they have to pay grades basically. They believe that a large part of the population does not really want or strive to be better than where they really are, so they pay one group a lot less; although they are doing the same job as another group in the company who make 12 times what they make…I wanted to hit the guy when he made this statement.  They create an environment where these people are treated nice to their face but really they are not valued because this is who truly they are viewed – replaceable and or as group that does not really want to better themseleves….and this is not true. Many of them have begged me for training since joining 5 weeks ago and thanked me for the positive changes I have made in 5 weeks but over all, I can only change my area – not the entire organization. But why so much more physical pain; that really has not been this persistent in a year at least? Does my mind know something my body is unwilling to accept or vice versa???? Am I worrying about something while I am sleeping, or is it just that I am not really taking care of me??? What is it??? I really feel like it has got to be something because this pain in my body and joints is so uncomfortable – it consumes my thoughts? When I wake at night it is my first thought. When I close my eyes at night it is my last thought….this cannot be normal…Not when I am so close to the finish line….there was to be something else nagging me – bothering me.  At times I even feel extremely anxious, agitated and this is really not me at all. I am usually the most laid back person…what could it be?? What could my mind and body know that I do not know yet???

I am curious, does anyone else who is detoxing have the urge to constantly crack everything? And feel that vibrating feeling all over? The vibrating feeling for me is mostly in my arms and neck and back, but I am sure it could be anywhere…..

Thank you for your support.

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